Released 20 December 2012 Music and lyrics by Stephan Nance Stephan Nance - piano, vocals Tim McLaughlin - bass, guitar Merlin Showalter - drums, percussion Mixing and mastering by Matt Greco, MGRECORDS Many thanks to Tim and Merlin for all their hard work getting this song recorded!!! Seriously. Man. Lyrics: Santa filled my stocking up with dust And my breakfast bowl with Nothing but a big chunk of pudding crust Scraped from the bottom of Rudolph's trough Most off-putting, gag-inducing, Oozing with a glowing red goo That's not to say it's not okay to be a reindeer Just the snot gets in the way of an already paltry meal Reindeer themselves most elves feel to be our allies Though there are those who fail to see (Their sight obscured by bigotry) Through the lens of intersectionality The similarity between their and our captivity. Well, I for one have had enough of these power dynamics I'm gonna cut in line to see Santa, shut him up and give him a piece of my mind, Tell him: who do you think you are? who do you think I am? I'm not some ceramic garden gnome I'm a living, breathing elf, man! Man, oh, Jingle bells Jingle bells Jingle your own damn bells, damn bells Jingle your own bells Tinker away at your toys And fly your sleigh Without exploiting the reindeer and elves and elves and elves Old Saint Nicholas stuffs his ruddy face with jumbo gelatin-laced marshmallows as big as mugs And he chugs gallons of hot cocoa from gigantic jugs And he makes a crude analogy to Mrs Claus's anatomy; How she puts up with his misogyny and stays kindly is a mystery to me! She's an inspiration to us all Whenever Santa's at the mall Our labor shifts from free to fair She pays us out our proper share She has her hubby's chefs prepare A wholesome feast of vegan fare And over cupcakes we compare notes As we plan the revolution Nutmeg and Holly volunteer to lead the popcorn ball volley Hopscotch and Foxtrot and their teams load up their slingshots with royal riviera pears And pairs of reindeer line the entryway When Santa barrels through the door in the morning, caterwauling carols reeking of the sauce and apple fritters his weakened cognitive and motor skills leave him at a loss at the sight of fruit in flight, confections being tossed— in a moment, he is falling, then caught by reindeer in midair wrapped up in tinsel propped up in his chair Then the littlest elf hops up on his lap and presents a big bright bow and we're all silent as they stare at one another— time stands still... until... the littlest elf slaps the bow on Santa's mouth and says We've all had enough of these power dynamics Tired of waiting in line! It's our turn to speak our minds: Who do you think you are to treat us like you do? We're not claymation figures We're alive and every bit as good as you! Jingle bells Jingle bells Jingle your own damn bells, damn bells Jingle your own bells Tinker away at your toys And fly your sleigh Without exploiting the reindeer and elves and elves and Reindeer with noses of color Shouldn't have to work harder than all the others Sleigh-guiding leaves them stressed Get some LEDs and a GPS Gender non-conforming elves shouldn't be ghettoized and made to work outside in the harsh conditions in groundskeeper positions that you made up because you couldn't decide which assembly line to assign: girls' tea party sets or boys' fighter jets? (It's time you) Move beyond the binary Integrate your factory— You'll find greater diversity makes for greater harmony. And you have the ability to pay everybody equitably and offer benefits that extend to our families. Then Mrs Claus says, "Nick, we all deserve respect you can learn to show it to us if you try If you don't recognize their union you can kiss yours and mine goodbye. "Jingle bells Jingle bells Jingle your own damn bells, damn bells Jingle your own bells Tinker away at your toys And fly your sleigh Without your wife and the reindeer and elves and elves and elves!" Nick acquiesced to our requests Then in a week or so he resigned and moved out to the guest house And in his absence, we've been more productive somehow... Maybe it's because Mrs Claus is Santa now! Jingle bells...